A Little Greed is Good

If I even have any blog followers still out there I feel it worth saying initially that my 6 plus month hiatus is really inexcusable and if you are one of these poor souls recovering from hip surgery and looking for a glimmer of hope out there in the Universe I have done a terrible job of providing for you. However, I also have a well-justified fear when it comes to my hip of putting good things down in writing and eating my words later. This fear is so strong that it has taken me all summer and fall to actually say out loud to anyone who asks that, yes, my hip is doing much much better and appears to be holding steady at long last. Previously, to anyone outside my immediate family I never wanted to commit to an answer if it might mean that I couldn't change my mind later. But after turning a corner in late spring and enjoying a summer of unrestricted activity including hiking, mountain biking and even some running I am finally letting my guard down a little and accepting that this actually might have been a successful surgery. I still had a resurfacing surgery date for September 1st that remained scheduled until mid-July which is a good indication of just how little confidence I had in my hip after this whole ordeal.

The big test was the 10-day trip of a lifetime to Idaho in late June where we spent a week rafting the famed Middle Fork of the Salmon River with 18 of our friends and I hiked my way up and down the steep canyons of the Frank Church Wilderness and lifted heavy gear in and out of our raft multiple times each day. I didn't even notice my hip the whole week including after the 15 hour drive to and from Boulder to Stanley Idaho. It was an emotional test of sorts too -- to finally be able to feel normal again amongst my friends and not always popping pain killers and reaching for flexor patches in the middle of the night to make it through the trip. I didn't pass up a single opportunity each afternoon when we made camp to bushwhack my way up the canyon walls to look out at the vast snow-capped Sawtooths and revel in my good fortune and remember what it feels to be alive.

Many have asked what happened to finally after more than 2 years allowed me to turn this corner and how did I know I was actually getting better. I don't necessarily have an answer to that except to say that Time has been the most essential element along with an almost violent stubbornness on my part to get my life back. I pushed my hip pretty hard all of last year and just refused to accept that I had to give up so many of the things that brought meaning and joy to my life. Some have suggested after all that I have been through that I just accept a more limited life and agree to give up some of the things that might have lead to my injury. That seems reasonable enough but frankly there hasn't been anything reasonable about the two years it took to recover from this injury and after all is said and done I still feel most fulfilled when spending my time running trails with my dog, hiking the high country and skiing powder in the Colorado backcountry on a bluebird day.

My hip could last 2 years or 5 years or potentially even longer - I really have no way to gauge it and won't bother trying. For the time being, I plan to live large with my hips and be a little greedy. Many times during the last two and a half years I pleaded with the hip gods that if I could just get back to some biking and hiking I'd be content and would behave. Well, as the title of this post suggests and as I should have anticipated, prolonged deprivation makes some (reasonable) people appreciative of what they have while the other more entitled of us like myself tend to get greedy and want it all. Life is short -- do what makes you truly happy, take risks and learn to live with the consequences when things don't go as planned.

And so it goes as I attempt to get back into trail running despite a bum knee, a weak butt and a hip that has undergone two extensive surgeries, roughly 8 different injections and a thousand hours of poking and prodding by numerous physical therapists. Greed is good.